just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
