Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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