I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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