I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
