I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
