Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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