I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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