i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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