Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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