I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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