Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I need help removing her.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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