i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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