Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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