If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
