it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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