sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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