im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
