Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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