im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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