Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
