i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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