I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize