So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
