Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
