Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
