Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
