This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
