There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
