you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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