google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
zippers are such a cool invention
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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