The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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