i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
