I got chris browned last night
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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