Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
