"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think my moral compass just broke
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
