So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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