Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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