I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
