you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
barbara walters just said penis...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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