my phone needs a breathalizer
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
