Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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