true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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