we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
