i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
