Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
