Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
