We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
