I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
