just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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