Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
