____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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