my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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