Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize