I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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