my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
