I hate all girls vehemently.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
