Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
