I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
