i jhust puked up my retainher.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
