My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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