Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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