im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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