I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
