i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
