my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
