using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My hand turned me down
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Someone came in the potted fern
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
