no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
