My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
